


this can't be real

by theinsanelycooltheatrekid



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Cuddles, First Kiss, Fluff, Jared Kleinman is a Little Shit, Jared Kleinman is a Wingman, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Truth or Dare, just a fluffy oneshot y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-10
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:35:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25145533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theinsanelycooltheatrekid/pseuds/theinsanelycooltheatrekid
Summary: Jared rubbed his hands together gleefully.  “Alright, Murphy, I’ll give you a dare. Cuddle with Evan the rest of the night.”
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy
Comments: 27
Kudos: 190





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> a fluffy oneshot that was sitting in my drafts for so long bc i'm a sucker for touchstarved treebros.

Evan watched Connor down his cup, smirking at Jared with dark eyes. God, he’s beautiful. 

“Dare.”

Jared rubbed his hands together gleefully. “Alright, Murphy, I’ll give you a dare. Cuddle with Evan the rest of the night.”

Evan’s eyebrows shot up. _No. No way is Jared doing this to me._ He looked over to Jared, who had a knowing glint in his eyes, and resisted the urge to scream. 

“Ha. Easy.” Connor’s voice remained neutral. Evan couldn’t see Connor’s face while he was reaching over for another drink, and therefore was unable to gage Connor’s intent from his expression.

He was desperate to back out, say he needed to get home, for whatever reason. 

He kinda lost his resolve when all six-foot-three of Connor Murphy ended up in his lap. Dimly, he heard Jared and the others laugh, and it was probably because his cheeks were growing inexplicably hot, an expression of shock fixed on his face. 

Connor’s back was against his chest, he was oh so close, and when he turned slightly, and Evan caught sight of the warmth in his sparkling eyes, he almost felt his heart stutter to a stop. 

_This can’t be real._

“Ev?” 

Evan had closed his eyes. His heart fluttered at the nickname. God, when did that happen? He’s always called me Ev.

“Ev, you don’t have to do this. Tell me if you’re not comfortable, okay?” 

He didn’t move.

“Evan,” Connor repeated, voice low and urgent. At least Evan was certain the others couldn’t hear him; Connor’s voice was barely a whisper. 

“Hm?”

“Tell me if you’re uncomfortable, I can always get off…” 

_No._ Evan snaked his arms around Connor’s waist, drawing him closer, tucking his head into Connor’s shoulder. He hadn’t realised he’d spoken aloud until he noticed Jared laughing silently across the room, and he felt himself blush. 

Evan could just make out Connor smiling. “Okay,” he breathed, placing his warm hands over Evan’s where they rested on his stomach.

* * *

Connor wasn’t drunk. Well, okay, maybe he was a little tipsy, but he knew what he was doing when he had crawled into Evan’s lap and snuggled as close to him as he possible could without his own heart exploding. It had been worth it just to see the steady pink spreading across Evan’s cheeks, illuminating his features. However, he hadn’t realised that Evan might’ve been almost as desperate for touch as he was. 

He held Connor loosely by the waist, and if he wasn’t mistaken, Connor was sure that Evan was trying to get as close to him as possible. The mere thought of that, of Evan wanting him, wanting him close, sent Connor’s mind into overdrive, and he suppressed a shiver. 

For the rest of the night, Connor had to restrain himself from sighing or blushing or even grinning too widely as Evan slowly but surely drew him closer and closer, burying small smiles in his neck.

He let out an audible gasp the first time he felt Evan laugh into his hair, his breath tickling the back of Connor’s neck. He couldn’t resist turning around every so often, catching a glimpse of Evan’s bright eyes, cheeks slightly flushed from the alcohol. _He’s drunk, Connor, he doesn’t know what he’s doing._ Evan had tightened his arms around Connor’s middle, preventing Connor from getting up. _He’s drunk. He’s not going to remember this in the morning._

God, Evan was torturing him. He had to know what he was doing to Connor, had to be doing it on purpose, because Evan’s cheek rested almost flush to his, and their legs were tangled, and Connor looked down just in time to see Evan winding their fingers together, and Connor wanted to hold onto this moment forever, this perfect little moment full of drunk happiness and laughter and Evan. 

And Evan was most likely drunk, but then so was he, and he was just holding on to this one perfect moment for fear that he’d have forgotten by morning.

And they'd been this close before, he was sure, but back then there hadn’t been the slightest chance of anything happening, and oh god, Evan was nuzzling into his neck again, his lips just brushing Connor’s skin, and there was a very real possibility that he was going to pass out-

“Hey, I said cuddle for the rest of the night, not act like an obnoxious couple,” Jared grinned wickedly at them. Connor rolled his eyes, but immediately sensed the tension in the other boy. 

_Fucking Jared ruining everything._

Keeping his voice as low as possible, Connor turned so he could see Evan's face, and whispered gently into his ear. 

"You okay?" 

He wasn't expecting Evan to flinch as hard as he did. He had to admit that it hurt a little. 

"Yeah! Yeah, um, I'm fine."

It was with a pang that he realised Evan had loosened his grip around Connor’s middle, and all but dropped his hands.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guess this is a two-shot now y'all, enjoy

Connor bit his lip. "Ev?" 

"I, um, I need to pee." He said, all in a rush, and Connor moved so he could get up, watching him rush towards his bedroom.

...His bedroom?

"I'll be right back," Connor murmured as he walked after Evan. 

He hesitated for a moment behind the door. What if Evan didn't want him there?

But then he heard a sniffle from inside the room and he had to get in there.

"Evan?" he called, stepping into the room, chest tightening when he spotted him curled into his pillow, clearly crying. 

"Oh, Ev." 

_What did I do? Was it because of me? Did I cross the line?_

* * *

Evan didn't realise Connor had followed him until he became aware of the tight warmth flat against his back. Fingers crept their way across his waist, a leg finding its place hooked over Evan's.

Connor was _spooning_ him.

"C-Con-"

"Hey, hey, don't talk just yet, okay? I'm here. I'm right here." Connor's voice was soothing, coming from somewhere just behind Evan's neck. Evan grabbed the hand circling his middle with one of his own, and felt his fingertips being squeezed reassuringly.

"Want me to talk?"

Evan relaxed just a little. This was routine, fact, easy to process. Everytime Evan broke down, Connor would ask if he wanted him to talk. The answer was always yes.

He nodded, and apparently Connor took that as a cue to get even closer, pushing his nose into the back of Evan's neck.

"1 or 2?"

This was part of their routine too. 1 was for rambling about nothing in particular, 2 was reassurance, Connor basically reciting his favourite things about Evan, calming him down. 

"2," he decided, hiccuping through his tears.

"Okay," hummed Connor, sighing into the back of Evan's neck.

"Evan Hansen, you. You are the best thing to ever happen to me, okay? You make my life so much better and you need to understand that."

Woah. Okay. This was a lot more intense than Connor's usual spiel.

"You're safe, alright? You are safe and you are loved and I am right here. I'm not going anywhere."

Evan's breathing slowed a little.

"I'm here. I'll always be here, okay?"

"Why?" Evan mumbled through his tears.

"Evan." 

Connor's voice sounds hurt, almost exasperated.

"Evan, can you look at me?"

He doesn't want to move. Because moving means he won't be in Connor's arms anymore and he always wants to be in Connor’s arms but Connor doesn’t want that Connor doesn’t want him because he’s just a friend, just a friend, nothing more…

* * *

“Hey, hey, it’s okay, you don’t have to, okay?”

Evan was crying again now, harder than before. Connor shifted away from Evan, unsure if he had done something wrong, but that only seemed to make things worse. 

Maybe Evan just needed to be held.

“Ev,” he tried, softly. “Ev, can you try and sit up a little? It’ll make it easier for me to hold you, ‘kay?” 

He sat up slightly before guiding his arms back around Evan’s waist, pulling him up and holding him close to his chest. “Ev, I’m gonna try and hold you just a little closer, that okay?”

Evan nodded, so Connor carefully manoeuvred Evan so that he was sitting in between Connor’s outstretched legs, wrapping his arms tightly around his torso so that his back was flush with Connor’s chest. He tucked his head into Evan’s shoulder and rocked slightly, trying to make sure Evan was comfortable. He let out a sigh of relief when he relaxed in his arms; some of the tension he had been holding just melted away. He proceeded to carry on whispering in Evan’s ear, rocking back and forth slightly, soothing him. 

It was only when Evan’s sobs had died down to a sniffle that he realised how close they were, how intimate they were. Evan was literally in between his legs, and Connor had him hugged close to his chest, his chin hooked over his shoulder. 

“C-Con?”

“Hm?”

“C-Can we stay? Here?”

That made sense. Connor doubted Evan would want to return to their little party. “Like this?”

“Is...Is that okay?”

“‘Course it is.” 

Well. Connor’s brain was actually going into overdrive at the thought of cuddling with Evan for an extended period of time. Whenever Evan had a panic attack he’d be there, of course, holding his hand, talking to him, at the very most lying his head in Evan’s lap so he could braid his hair (Evan needed something to do with his hands and Connor would be damned if he was going to let him pick at his cuticles until they were bloody). 

But tonight? Tonight they were closer than they had ever been before. He doubted Evan felt the same way - hell, Evan was probably disgusted - but Connor could stay like this for the rest of his life. 

* * *

Evan never wanted to move again. He wanted to hold on to this moment forever, in Connor’s arms. 

“Ev?”

Connor’s breath was warm against his neck.

“Mhm?” 

A beat. 

“Love you.”

The words were quiet, hesitant; they fluttered against Evan’s bare skin before dissolving into his body and spreading throughout, bringing warmth and love and affection through every inch of himself. Suddenly he became hyper aware of just how close he was to Connor, every point of contact he had with him, noting every place where their bodies met. They'd said those words before, but somehow this was different. More intimate. 

“Th-thanks?”

Connor snorted. “Way to pull a Han Solo on me.”

“N-nerd.”

Evan’s heart raced. It was now or never.

He turned slightly, and placed a featherlight kiss at the corner of Connor’s mouth. He pulled away to survey his face, and was met with wide eyes.

“Shit Connor I totally get it if you don’t like me I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have-”

And then Connor Murphy was kissing him, kissing him back, passionate and slow and hot and all thoughts were blown out of the water.

**Author's Note:**

> a part 3?????? is it likely? hm we shall see.


End file.
